Q Toon: They're Thee/Thou

So now the search for Pope Francis’s successor begins.

It’s a highly secretive process. On May 7, some 120 cardinals from around the world will hole up in the Sistine Chapel, lock the doors, and nobody is allowed in. Not even the pizza delivery guy (although there happens to be a Cardinal Pierbattista Pizzaballa, the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem. He will be allowed inside.)

Any cardinal divulging to the public what goes on within the conclave faces being stripped of his position, excommunicated, and exiled to the Land of Nod.

The cardinals vote by handwritten ballots, and are actually supposed to disguise their handwriting. One imagines that they write upside down, or with their non-dominant hand, or with their eyes closed.

And if that weren’t secretive enough, the ballots are burned in a special chimney. No recounts allowed.

At the end of the process, a senior cardinal deacon will step out onto the balcony of the Basilica of St. Peter and announce "Habemus Papam!" Opening the sealed envelope from the accounting firm of Price Waterhouse Coopers, he will then tell everyone that the new Pope is "La La Land." 

And nobody will be able to contradict him.

Because, you know, of that excommunication to the Land of Nod thing.