This Week's Sneak Peek

The celebrities I grew up with are dropping like, well, old people these days.

I happened to have listened to my Tom Lehrer album the day before he died, and I have to say that his nearly 60-year-old satire still stands up pretty well. "National Brotherhood Week" mocks taking a break from prejudice and bigotry for seven days out of 365:

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews. 

I memorized "Pollution" as a child:

See the halibuts and the sturgeons
Being wiped out by detergents.
Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly,
But they don't last long if they try. 

Even proto-woke folk singers came in for some zingers:

The tune don't have to be clever,
And it don't matter if you put a coupla extra syllables into a line.
It sounds more ethnic if it ain't good English,
And it don't even gotta rhyme. 

The "Vatican Rag" is absolutely hilarious:

Do whatever steps you want if
You have cleared them with the pontiff
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison
Doin' the Vatican Rag

And of course, who could forget "New Math," his ode to his chosen academic field?

[T]he book that I got this problem [342 minus 173] out of wants you to do it in base eight. But don't panic! Base eight is just like base ten really— if you 're missing two fingers!
Shall we have a go at it? Hang on. ..
You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the eights place.

Now that's really four eights,

So you make it three eights,
Regroup, and you change an eight to eight ones
And you add 'em to the two,
And you get one-two base eight,
Which is ten base ten,
And you take away three, that's seven.
Ok?
Now instead of four in the eights place
You've got three,
'Cause you added one,

That is to say, eight, to the two,
But you can't take seven from three,
So you look at the sixty-fours —
"Sixty-four? How did sixty-four get into it?" I hear you cry.
Well, sixty-four is eight squared, don't you see?
Well, you ask a silly question, you get a silly answer!

From the three, you then use one
To make eight ones,
You add those ones to the three,

And you get one-three base eight,
Or, in other words,

In base ten you have eleven,
And you take away seven,

And seven from eleven is four!
Now go back to the sixty-fours,
You're left with two,
And you take away one from two,
And that leaves?
Now, let's not always see the same hands...
One, that's right. Whoever got one can stay after the show and clean the erasers. 

Si Scis, Scis.

Habemus Papam qui omnia in hac imagine nominare potest.

Q Toon: They're Thee/Thou

So now the search for Pope Francis’s successor begins.

It’s a highly secretive process. On May 7, some 120 cardinals from around the world will hole up in the Sistine Chapel, lock the doors, and nobody is allowed in. Not even the pizza delivery guy (although there happens to be a Cardinal Pierbattista Pizzaballa, the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem. He will be allowed inside.)

Any cardinal divulging to the public what goes on within the conclave faces being stripped of his position, excommunicated, and exiled to the Land of Nod.

The cardinals vote by handwritten ballots, and are actually supposed to disguise their handwriting. One imagines that they write upside down, or with their non-dominant hand, or with their eyes closed.

And if that weren’t secretive enough, the ballots are burned in a special chimney. No recounts allowed.

At the end of the process, a senior cardinal deacon will step out onto the balcony of the Basilica of St. Peter and announce "Habemus Papam!" Opening the sealed envelope from the accounting firm of Price Waterhouse Coopers, he will then tell everyone that the new Pope is "La La Land." 

And nobody will be able to contradict him.

Because, you know, of that excommunication to the Land of Nod thing.

This Week's Sneak Peek

Mike Peterson over at the Daily Cartoonist linked to me twice over the weekend — many thanks, Mike! — the first to disagree somewhat with last week's cartoon of Harrison Butker's commencement address.

I think Mike's disagreement might have been that I lump all Catholics into one basket. I do realize that there are Francis Catholics and Benedict Catholics and never-accepted-Vatican-II Catholics and lapsed Catholics and recovering Catholics, but there wasn't much room for that distinction in the cartoon. There isn't much mystery as to which camp the Powers That Be at Benedictine College in ruby-red Kansas are in.

The various flavors of Catholicism were beside the point of the essay I wrote to accompany it; but point taken.

More amusing to me was some censorbot's decision at Bluesky that my retrospective a couple Saturdays ago which included versions of "The Kiss" by Klimt, Munch, and Rodin, was too risqué. Or perhaps it was as offended by its final panel of Michael Sam and his boyfriend smooching as the Karen in the cartoon trying to cover it up.

I can almost imagine some 14-year-old Bluesky user (yeah, right) clicking on the "Adult Content" warning thinking that there must be porn behind it.

Q Toon: Graduation Exorcises

Much has been said about Kansas City Chiefs place kicker Harrison Butker's commencement address to the graduating class of Benedictine College, a small Roman Catholic college in Atchison, Kansas. 

You may not have heard of Benedictine College before now, or, for that matter, of Harrison Butker. Not much attention gets paid to NFL kickers, who spend most of the game on the sidelines — even though, to the bafflement of the rest of the world, Americans name our sport after the body part that only the kicker uses for anything other than running around. I mean, do you remember Ryan Longwell? Jan Stennerud? Morten Andersen?

Can you tell which of their names I misspelled?

So in case you somehow missed it, Butker, who after all did kick the winning field goals in Superbowls LVII and LVIII, warned the graduates against "dangerous gender ideologies," a slap at transgender persons. He also condemned LGBTQ+ Pride Month, celebrated every June since the raid on the Stonewall Inn, "as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values and media [which] all stem from the pervasiveness of disorder.”

For 20 minutes, Butker, a conservative Roman Catholic, went on and on railing against President Biden, ecumenical catholic leaders, and "the tyranny of diversity, equity, and inclusion." But most of the attention to his address was on his advice to women.

“I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”

If Butker had balanced the message by exhorting the men in his audience to be just as excited about marriage and children — particularly if, as he described Mrs. Harrison Butker's experience, their career aspirations fail them — there might have been less uproar over his advice to the women who had devoted four years and incurred a lifelong student loan debt for the piece of paper the dean was about to hand them.

Butker's address was an echo of last year's commencement speaker, Leonard Leo, who told the class of 2023 that “modern-day barbarians, secularists, and bigots” are “determined to threaten and delegitimize individuals and institutions who refuse to pledge fealty to the woke idols of our age.” 

Well, what else would you expect from a graduation speech at a small Roman Catholic college?

Almost unremarked was Butker's swipe at a congressional bill to withhold federal funding from colleges and universities that don't restrict antisemitic speech. He didn't object to it on libertarian free speech grounds, or as a stand against the drive to label as antisemitic any criticism of Netanyahu's wholesale slaughter of Palestinian civilians, but because "stating something as basic as the Biblical teaching of who killed Jesus could land you in jail.”

That's code for holding all Jewry responsible for Christ's crucifixion, a right-wing fundamentalist credo espoused by Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz and every pogrom since the Middle Ages in direct defiance of Luke 23:34.

So now there are some advocating for the Chiefs to fire Butker, much as the San Francisco 49ers dropped Colin Kaepernick for speaking up and kneeling down for his political views. But the 49ers were wrong then, and the Chiefs would be wrong, too. 

The NFL has published their disagreement with Harrison Butker's address, but defended his right to speak his mind. Even the antisemitic bit.

That, my friends, is what free speech is all about.

You are free, nay, welcome to disagree with him. 

And doing so is not "silencing," "threatening," or "delegitimizing" him. Yes, some on the Left are guilty of "cancel culture." Just as some on the right are guilty of "cancel legislation."

But I'll bet on Draft Kings, FanDuel, or anywhere else that as long as Mr. Butker keeps kicking field goals, he'll get to exercise his Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Speech until Mrs. Butker tells him to knock it off.

Q Toon: But Only One at a Time

 

An interviewer from La Stampa asked Pope Francis about objections raised by conservative cardinals, bishops, and scholars in Africa and the U.S. to his approval of clergy blessing same-sex couples. I've included part of his reply verbatim (very slightly edited at the ellipsis).

Lest one mistake the Pope for Revrunt Marryin' Elvis at Our Lady of the Las Vegas Strip, he explained his reasoning in the interview:

"The Gospel is to sanctify everyone," he said. "Of course, there must be goodwill. And it is necessary to give precise instructions on the Christian life (I emphasize that it is not the union that is blessed, but the persons). But we are all sinners: why should we make a list of sinners who can enter the Church and a list of sinners who cannot be in the Church? This is not the Gospel."

His explanation did not sit well with the bouncers of the Roman Catholic Church. A group of 90 of these conservatives published a hysterically-worded letter this month, bemoaning that with this Pope's stance, "The threat does not become smaller but more serious, since the error comes from the Roman See, and is destined to scandalize all the faithful, and above all the little ones, the simple faithful who have no way of orienting and defending themselves in this confusion."

There is a long tradition of Popes summarily making sudden, unilateral changes to church guidelines. Not frequently, of course — consider how long it took them to realize that an omniscient God ought to be able to understand languages other than centuries-dead Latin. But sudden, significant changes in praxis date all the way back to St. Peter, the OG Pope, abruptly deciding that more people would be attracted to his religion if it ignored all those rules about not eating shellfish and pork.

Official changes to Catholic doctrine is not what blessings are all about, according to Father Chris Ponnet, chaplain to the LGBT ministry of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.

"The church continues to maintain that the sacrament of marriage is between a man and a woman for the rest of their life," he says.
Ponnet, who is the archdiocese's chaplain to its gay and lesbian ministry, says he always declines to attend the civil weddings of same-sex couples he knows because he doesn't want there to be any confusion. He says the church is clear that it does not condone or recognize such marriages and that his presence could lead people to think "it's all OK."
What the pope is allowing, he adds, is similar to how priests bless all sorts of things, such as homes, a new school year and pets.
"It's simply saying that we who believe in blessings," Ponnet says, "should be instruments of blessings to others."
And he says it's important to be clear and precise about exactly what priests are blessing and what they are not blessing. "We're not blessing the relationship," he says. "We're blessing the individuals in front of us. And I appreciate the pain that that causes, and I don't know how to get around that." 

It may take more centuries than Fr. Ponnet nor you nor I are likely to witness, but I have faith that someday, even the Roman Catholic Church will figure out how to get around that. 

Q Toon: Nutcracker Suite

 

Fox Noise prime time talking head Jesse Watters was going off on petty shit that ticks him off the other day — his primary job at the news channel, apparently — fixing his pique upon holiday décor diversity.

Specifically, Watters is annoyed that Target stores offer LGBTQ+ Pride nutcrackers for sale. (Their dark-skinned Santas in wheelchairs also bug him.) 

Perhaps still smarting from the outrage ginned up by the snowflakes at Fox against its Pride merchandise displays last spring, Target offers the gay nutcracker only on line, not in their brick-and-mortar locations. Well, perhaps if Target has an outlet in the Castro or on Christopher Street, you might find one on the shelf there. Or locked away in a cabinet behind the jewelry and pain medications. I dunno.

The important thing, however, is that these Fox buddies must keep stoking this supposed "war on Christmas" to keep their audience engaged and enraged. Answering the call to arms, all the other right-wing culture warriors have joined the fight.

For its report on the LGBTQ+ Pride nutcracker, Catholic News Agency, instead of finding a picture of an actual nutcracker from Target's website, dug up this much more titillating image from Shutterstock:

A more accurate description of the product is in paragraph four, but no doubt most of CNA's readers think Leather Boi is what greets Christmas shoppers as soon as they walk in the doors of their local Target with little Patrick Xavier and Mary Elizabeth.

Our home has several wooden nutcracker dolls that we bring out every December: traditional, drummer, swordsman, king, wine steward, Packer fan, Santa, and on and on. Same basic woodwork, different paint job, maybe each its own prop.

No matter that the actual outfit LGBTQ+  Pride nutcracker wears is the same cut as all the others, just with rainbow colored paint and pinkish hair. It's the image from Shutterstock that will lodge in CNA's readers' heads, even if they did not skip over paragraph four in search of the address to complain to.

Just for that, next year’s nutcracker oughta be in drag.

Q Toon: Couples Counseling

So the Roman Catholic church reiterated its opposition to marriage equality last week, and it was news.

The Roman Catholic Church cannot bless same-sex marriages, no matter how stable or positive the couples' relationships are, the Vatican said on Monday. The message, approved by Pope Francis, came in response to questions about whether the church should reflect the increasing social and legal acceptance of same-sex unions. ...

"The presence in such relationships of positive elements, which are in themselves to be valued and appreciated, cannot justify these relationships and render them legitimate objects of an ecclesial blessing," the statement said.

LGBTQ Catholics, such as DignityUSA, have occasionally gotten their hopes up that Pope Francis will bring a breath of fresh air to the stale atmosphere in the Vatican. His "Who am I to judge?" response early in his papacy to a question on the topic seemed to indicate that he wouldn't be as rigid as his immediate predecessor. Last year, he avered that same-sex and non-traditional couples deserve legal recognition in the form of civil union laws.

But he also wrote, in his 2016 treatise "Amoris Laetitia," "[T]here are absolutely no grounds for considering homosexual unions to be in any way similar or even remotely analogous to God's plan for marriage and family."

So the Catholic Church's message to LGBTQ believers is this: You are loved by God and you deserve to be in a loving, happy, healthy, mutual, and legally protected relationship.

But not in our house.

Q Toon: #Metousiosis

Transsubstantiation: according to the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, the change of substance or essence by which the bread and wine offered in the sacrifice of the sacrament of the Eucharist during the Mass, become, in reality, the body and blood of Jesus Christ. In Greek, metousiosis.

For centuries, theologians have debated Jesus Christ's sermon in John 6 and at the Last Supper that bread and wine somehow become his own body and blood. Is it another one of those metaphors you find all over the Bible, or are we supposed to take it literally? In Catholic dogma, the bread and wine are no longer bread or wine; Lutherans believe that the bread and wine are simultaneously bread and body, and wine and blood. Baptists believe that grape juice miraculously becomes what Jesus meant to say.

Some people believe we're supposed to take every word of the Bible literally.

The New Testament calls Christ the “bridegroom” and the church his “bride.” Catholic priests are supposed to consider themselves "married" to the church, forswearing all others. That's not in the Bible, really; it's one of those reforms brought in because priests were making the church a family business handed down from Father to son.

The Catholic Church solved that problem, but was left with a dogma that seems to have attracted more than a few men with unsavory ideas about how to consummate their marriage to the church.

Literally.

Q Toon: Unequal Rites

Last weekend, Roman Catholic Bishop Robert Morlino of the Madison, Wisconsin diocese sent an email to parish priests counseling against conducting funeral services for LGBT persons.

The confidential email, sent Saturday by Vicar General James Bartylla with Morlino’s backing, said rites “may be denied for manifest sinners” if providing the services would cause unavoidable “public scandal of the faithful.”
In Catholic doctrine, the word “scandal” can refer to something that is believed will lead others into sin or cause a confusion or weakening of others’ faith. Other parts of Bartylla’s message, published Sunday in a progressive Minnesota religious blog called Pray Tell, said “general considerations” priests should keep in mind if asked to perform Catholic funeral rites by the deceased’s family or same-sex partner include whether “the deceased or the ‘partner’ was a ‘promoter of the gay lifestyle.’ ”

In the manner of clerical communication, the language is less than direct, with "should" when the intended meaning is "must." Words like "gravely" and "notorious" leave little doubt as to what the local ordinary has to say about funeral rites. From Morlino's email:

You may encounter the situation in which a person in a homosexual civil union (thereby in a public union gravely contrary to the natural law) or in an otherwise notorious homosexual relationship gravely contrary to the natural law dies, and the family wants Catholic funeral rites for the deceased. My short answer to pastors and parochial vicars in these cases is to think through the issue thoroughly and prudently and likely call the local ordinary early in the process to discuss the situation. The main issue centers around scandal and confusion (leading others into the occasion of sin or confusing or weakening people regarding the teachings of the Catholic Church in regards to sacred doctrine and the natural law), and thereby the pastoral task is to minimize the risk of scandal and confusion to others amidst the solicitude for the deceased and family.

Bishop Morlino, then, counsels his pastors to join the priest and the levite in minimizing the risk of scandal and just continue on along the road. Let those notorious Samaritans handle the situation.

✒

A topic I had abandoned for this week's cartoon was the Million Moms' objection to an adolescent character on a Disney Channel program coming out as gay. All the ideas kept gravitating toward punch lines involving Kevin Spacey that I just wasn't comfortable signing my name to.

Back in my early twenties, I used to be involved in local theater, and I recall a (probably) underage cast member who pinged my gaydar. Even at a cast party at which much gin was consumed, I knew enough not to press —ahem— the issue with him. The theater world being what it was in those days before AIDS had a name (the debauchery at cast parties for an earlier production of Billy Budd was legendary), I was less concerned with the ramifications should my estimation of his sexuality prove wrong than should my estimation of his age prove correct.

I was no saint, and I certainly had a lot left to learn about life, but I at least enough common sense to know that no good comes from plucking unripe fruit.

So it's immensely disappointing that Mr. Spacey has come out as gay now only because his inexcusable and crass attempt to seduce a 14-year-old boy three decades ago has become public. Had Anthony Rapp not become an established and respected actor in his own right, Mr. Spacey would no doubt still be able to keep all his secrets under wraps in his closet.

Meanwhile, as the Harvey Weinstein scandal spreads to cover producers, directors, actors, journalists, academics, and at least three presidents of the United States — all men, gay and straight, are bracing themselves for the possibility that some forgotten unrequited attraction was someone else's #metoo moment. I can't think of any in my own past, but there's always a chance I may have told an inappropriate joke in mixed company that scarred you for life. Or perhaps you were offended by my plucking unripe fruit analogy a minute ago.

Please accept my apology.

Q Toon: Kim's Private Audience

While I was busy at my drawing board with last week's National Coming Out Day cartoon, a story leaked out that was a gay editorial cartoonist's dream topic. So, with apologies to editors of weeklies who would rather have seen this week's cartoon last week and vice versa:

Liberals who have felt that Pope Francis was one of their own were dismayed when rumors began to emerge that Rowan County, Kentucky, clerk Kim Davis had taken time away from obstructing the duties of her office for a "private audience" with Pope Francis during his visit to the U.S. Could it be that this Pope, with all his talk of climate change, economic justice, and "Who am I to judge?" is but a cafeteria liberal?

First reports made it seem that Kim and Francis had met as the leaders of Roman Catholicism and American Apostolicism for intense discussions of strategic policy. We now know, of course, that Kim Davis's private meeting with Pope Francis was only private insofar as it was conducted indoors without a live broadcast feed. She met with the Pope along with a couple dozen other people who each had enough time to exchange "Hello, I'm so glad to meet you" greetings, arranged by some Vatican functionary in charge of deciding who the Pope gets to shake hands with.

We also know that Pope Francis did meet privately with a gay couple, half of whom was a student of his back home in Argentina -- a meeting which someone hastened to publicize after Davis started advertising her meeting of him. (And presumably, that someone was someone other than the functionary who invited Davis to that subsequent meet-and-greet.)

In the end, Kim Davis would probably have been better off wrangling an invitation to sit down with Robert Mugabe.

Egalidad de Matrimonio

The pastor of the Latino congregation at the church where I work weekdays presided over the marriage ceremony of two Latina members this past Saturday. On Monday, a reporter from the Milwaukee Telemundo station came to do a story about it.

Apparently, this wedding is a first in some way -- it's not the first same-sex wedding in Wisconsin, in my hometown, or in the Lutheran church, but it may well be the first church wedding of a Spanish-speaking couple in the Milwaukee Telemundo viewing area or something like that. (None of the other Latino congregations here in Racine belong to denominations which bless same-sex marriages, but there are Latino ELCA congregations in Milwaukee which theoretically could.)
Trinidad and Esperanza had a civil wedding in Illinois in 2014 when same-sex marriage became legal there and it was not yet legal here in Wisconsin. After a court decision brought marriage equality to Wisconsin last fall, they decided that they wanted a proper church wedding.

Pastor Jhon Freddy has been preparing his congregation for this moment for months. At the start of the wedding ceremony, he gave a good, long pause after asking whether anyone had objection to the wedding, adding that behind people's back the parking lot afterward was no time to voice those objections. The TV report aired on Milwaukee Telemundo Monday evening, and the church has linked to the report on its web site and Facebook pages; so far, there has yet to be any sign that people are upset about it.

Within the congregation, there is more friction over the crucifix and image of the BVM that were added to the chancel in wooden diptychs mounted on the wall after the Latino congregation was set up (some Anglos find them excessively Roman Catholic, and some Latinos are annoyed that the Anglos close the diptych doors during the English service). Most people who objected to marriage equality left the church when the ELCA national assembly voted in 2009 to leave the choice of whether to marry same-sex couples up to individual congregations and clergy.

Outside the church, there were already Catholics accusing Emaús of poaching their flocks, and of not being a Real Church. I don't imagine that the people raising those objections on line will take Trinidad and Esperanza's wedding as anything but further proof that they are right.

Judging from Facebook "likes" at least, there appears to be a healthy base of support for Trinidad and Esperanza within the Emaús congregation -- although I can't speak to the Facebook pages of everyone who has shared the link. Two days later, I'm not fielding angry phone calls or emails. Neither the English-language TV stations nor the local newspaper have picked up the story -- nor has the North American Lutheran Church, the break-away group that left the ELCA in 2010 over The Gay Thing.

But it's still early.

Q Toon: St. Patrick's Day Off

Nearly every March for years and years, I've drawn something about St. Patrick's Day parades, always about the one in New York. I'm happy to announce that this year, I'm doing something different.

Q Syndicate✥Mar 5, 2015

Immaculate Heart of Mary School, a small Catholic school in Harvard, Massachusetts, has announced that it is canceling its participation in Boston's St. Patrick's Day parade because parade organizers, the Allied War Veterans' Council, are permitting OutVets, an organization of LGBT military veterans, to march.

"We can't associate with that,” Brother Thomas Dalton, principal of Immaculate Heart of Mary School, said in a phone interview. "It would appear we were condoning it."

In the past, parade organizers have excluded LGBT groups from the parade, citing antigay Catholic religious dogma; but last year, the beer companies who are the major sponsors of the parade withdrew their support because of the policy.

The thing that gets me about Brother Dalton is that it's not as if his marching band is being required to follow directly after RuPaul's Drag Race, Topless Dykes on Bikes, Twinks Wearing Little More Than Glitter, or 50 Shades of Latex. It's a veterans' group, fer crying out loud -- men and women who have served our country and lived to tell about it -- who might not even have staged anywhere near the Immaculate Mary Marching Band for all we know.

Given the 100" (2.5 m) of snow Boston is dealing with this winter, one wonders how organizers plan to march anyone down the snowbound streets of Southie anyway. One imagines spectators clinging to the tops of plow berms high above the parade as it is forced to march no more than three abreast down the constricted streets.

They might have to postpone the parade until Mothers' Day.

Q Toon: Sistine Canticles

Q Syndicate✒Oct 23, 2014

Last week, I drew a deliberately detail-free cartoon: a rainbow, a Lady Justice, and some calligraphy. Anything further would have distracted from the point of the cartoon. As a result, it didn't take a particularly long time to draw once I started inking it.

This week's cartoon is another story altogether, and at one point I emerged from my basement lair in order to let ink dry before going back and adding background details. Chris asked me if I were finished drawing yet. "No," I told him. "I'm drawing the Sistine Chapel."

"Are you going to finish in time to go on vacation this year?"

Q Toon: Sure 'Tis Like a Morn in September

New York LGBT organizations are less than impressed by the decision by the Ancient Order of Hibernians (AOH) to allow Out@NBCUniversal to march in New York's St. Patrick's Day Parade next March. Out@NBCUniversal is the LGBT employee group for the media corporation broadcasting coverage of the parade, and will be the only LGBT group allowed to participate.

The last time an LGBT group marched in the parade, in 1991 (also, briefly and without permission, in 1992), it did not go very well at all. Since then, the AOH had refused to allow any LGBT  group to march in the parade until now.

Q Toon: Regnum Anatium

One could argue that highlighting Duck Dynast Phil Robertson's antigay comments in GQ Magazine only serves the purposes of Sarah Palin, talk radio, and all the Foxsters out there complaining that A&E is trampling his right of free speech. Not that they ever came to the defense of free speech rights for, say, Martin Bashir, Alec Baldwin, or Keith Olberman.

His opinions regarding African-Americans are the more ridiculous and worthy of censure. But I draw for the LGBT media through Q Syndicate, so I'm afraid I must leave to others his claim that Blacks were happier before civil rights and antipoverty programs ("No one was singing the blues"). I would, however, like to assuage Mr. Robertson's fears that anatomy poses an insurmountable difficulty to gays' and lesbians' ability to have and to enjoy sex. We really are not bothered by it anywhere near as much as he is.

Meanwhile, this Greek chorus of conservative American Catholics makes its second appearance in my cartoons this week. (Here's their first appearance, in September.)

Q Toon: Small Minds Rule!

This cartoon could have been one big mess of labels.

I had initially thought that the reporter talking to Pope Francis (I shouldn't need to label him, should I?) ought to have the name of the magazine in which the "small-minded rules" interview appeared. But the magazine's name is American, and having that as the label would be confusing in its own way.

But how to label the cabal in the larger panel of the cartoon? "American Catholic Conservatives"? Admittedly, I have enough room in the panel's pan-handle for that, but it's awfully clunky. It would be clunkier still to label them each individually, although I really can't expect any reader to be able to identify all of them. Two of them have never appeared in my cartoons before.

Here are the answers to the American Catholic Conservative Quiz.

From left to right: Minnesota Archbishop John Nienstedt. Nienstedt has required Catholic students in his diocese to attend lectures expounding the evils of marriage equality, has issued orders to priests that if they disagree with his antigay stands they should shut the hell up about it, and has declared that condoms are the work of the devil.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Is there any need to explain his virulent antigay streak?

House Speaker John Boehner. He "can't imagine" ever supporting gay marriage. And then there's the allegation by former Congressman Bob Ney that on an overseas junket, Boehner said of a staffer, "Yeah, he's a good guy. I think he's a fag." I needed a Catholic politician currently in office (other than Scalia), and Boehner seemed like the most recognizable of the lot -- enough so that I could put him in the back of the crowd.

Former Senator, 2012 presidential candidate, and frothy mixture Rick Santorum, who famously equated same-sex marriage with "man-on-dog" bestiality.

National Organization for Marriage harridan Maggie Gallagher. I've drawn her often enough now that my caricature of her is actually my caricature of my caricature of her. If she hasn't been in your state lately to man the battlements against marriage equality, her face might not be familiar to you; I've been criticized before for not identifying her.

Catholic League blowhard Bill Donohue. This is my first try at his face, which should be familiar to prime-time cable crosstalk-fests and South Park devotées. Whenever anyone slights the Catholic Church in any way, no matter how justified the slight may be, Bill Donohue is on TV quicker than Gloria Allred to defend its integrity to the death.

Q Toon: Copulabis Impares

Can two celibate men share the Vatican without driving each other crazy?

Q Toon: Clandestine Gay Network

Pope Francis received the long-dreaded report last week about the Vatican's lobby of homosexual priests, bishops, cardinals, and butlers -- a clandestine network so entrenched that they even have their own dating site.

Say, wasn't Clandestine one of those medieval popes?

Speaking of Gay Bishops

If the election of The Rev. Dr. R. Guy Erwin as bishop of the Southern California Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America hasn't made the front page of your RSS feed, perhaps it's because we've been there before.

Here's a cartoon about what it was like ten years ago when the Episcopalians crossed that threshold:

Conservative Episcopalians had conniption fits (they're called Episconniptions) over Robinson's election, and several U.S. churches went so far as to break away and join the Nigerian Anglican Church.

The bishop received death threats, and was pointedly not invited to the 2008 Lambeth Conference of the Anglican Communion. (This cartoon, however, was drawn three years earlier.)

He was invited to deliver an invocation at President Obama's first inaugural. If you didn't notice, it may be because he was omitted from the live broadcast on HBO and NPR and from the Presidential Inauguration Committee's official live blog.

Bishop V. Gene Robinson retired in January.

As for the Lutheran Church, before Bishop Erwin's election, The Rev. Eva Brunne was elected as Bishop of the Diocese of Stockholm, Sweden, in 2009. And of course, the Catholic Church had gay bishops long before Protestants got all worked up about theirs -- but I wasn't cartooning way back then.